tired yet again Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Posted by t123y456j789 in Blogroll.trackback
i wonder how many times i’ll keep doing this to myself. always burning myself to the max so i can force my mind to conquer matter. except that when my mind is tired, what is conquering what? in the end i still lose.
on another note, read the cross and the switchblade. the way God worked was amazing. it’s ps david wilkerson’s testimony of how God brought him from a quiet church in the mountains to the rough and raw new york streets to help youths from the slums who were trapped in all kinds of vices and eventually ending up at the wrong side of the law. though there was much discouragement through his endeavours, God really poured out His grace and it’s truly when we step aside that He becomes great. after reading that book though, for the first time in a long while, i caught a glimpse of the person that i used to be before i got together with my ex. a part of me really hated myself for getting together and yet a part of me told me i couldn’t just abandon him like that. of course with all my mistaken messianic intentions, i stayed in relationship which made me depressed. i felt so powerless to speak about God and my beliefs because i felt i was not doing what pleased Him. and i’d stayed that way, self-condemned for 2 years.
no more no more! my life is His and i’m grateful it is (: (: He loves the ex, He loves all the people that irritate me the most, He loves all the people who judged me and He loves me, with all my imperfections.
heh. interestingly, stuff has been happening at the workplace. and i’ve had to mull over certain choices to maKe. it’s always useful to bear consequences in mind and compare it against my ideal of what things should be (: gah. sleepy already. gdnight (:
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